the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
