I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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