I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't deserve a penis
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
