I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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