Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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