I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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