That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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