He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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