I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
