Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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