We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
