Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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