i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
