I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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