i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
