I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
