where am i from again
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
