Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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