Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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