Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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