I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize