I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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