I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
