Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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