It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
