Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
