You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
