you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
