I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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