ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
