My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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