That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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