how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
