is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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