That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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