Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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