In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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