I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize