paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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