He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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