We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
