doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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