I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
