I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
