Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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