We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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