seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
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I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize