so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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