This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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