His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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