Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
