i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm getting married
To pizza
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
