You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
