Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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