Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
