im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
