It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
