Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
