apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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