I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
