if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
