I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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