I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
