Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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