my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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