you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
