U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
